No, this blog post is not about kissing…now let’s all be sober.
Most of us know this quote by John Wooden: The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.
The reverse is equally true, the best thing I can do for my daughters is to love their dad. I know there are many other excellent things to do for them, such as teach them about Christ, give them the best schooling I can afford, or even take a break from work to spend maximum time with them. But when things are not alright at home, children will be disoriented or discouraged in their walk of faith, even question God. They will go to the best schools and spend half the class-time depressed. We will spend maximum time with them but if we are sad or stressed, they will see right through our fake smiles. If we actually break down in front of them, and they have to be our strength…that right there is reversed roles!
That is why in the spirit of passionate parenting, I call upon us to give our spouses a few more kisses than we give our little bambinos!
Baby wakes up…a kiss. Baby sleeps…a kiss. Baby is smelling nice…a kiss. Baby hurts himself … a kiss. Baby says something sweet … a kiss.
Baby says something bad and apologizes…a kiss. You get home from work…a kiss. You are on your way out…a kiss.
We don’t even realize it, our children very easily become the objects of our love, and our spouses on the other hand seem to fall short of our expectations a little more each day! Many mums become engrossed and engulfed in a world where the number one priority is the child. The fathers on the other hand get a new universe where the focal point is the self, and work. Before we know it, we are indifferent to each other, the spark is gone, and should a disagreement arise in such a time, it will surely get catastrophic. If the disagreements become frequent, we suffer in the marriage. The children,whom we think do not even notice or care,will surely bear the brunt of it.
Some of us will take the anger out on our children, be extra-harsh on them, ignore them, withdraw favours, or even hit them for stuff that we would otherwise have solved calmly…poor bambinos!
This is not more of a mums’ issue than a dads’ issue, so let not any man feel saintly about it.
It is very important that children be nurtured in an environment where there is peace, an environment where they can freely express themselves without worrying if they will tick-off dad or mum. An environment where they are secure and they know they have someone to look up to and fall back on. An environment where awkward silences do not leave them guessing if their parents are on a cold war. And very importantly, an environment where they can be sure that things will not start being thrown around …whether those things are words or blows, saucers and knives! It is very important that we keep our children safe, psychologically safe.
When my 3 year old girl was young, I used to joke (not really) with my husband that I can only get away with NBM (nil-by-mouth or if you like, the silent treatment) for a while, because soon the girl would be able to catch up on it, and I would not want to stress my child, despite my indignation. As such, other methods of conflict resolution on my part would have to be used. True to it, even if I am putting the younger baby to sleep and do not want to speak when my husband comes into the room, my daughter will instruct “Mum, salimia sweetie”. (Mum, say hi to sweetie). There I have it, she does not fancy parents who aren’t speaking!
It is a real need…mums and dads loving each other more. Many people have unspoken hurts that are due to what they saw in their parents when growing up. Many teenagers are rebellious due to hurts at home. Many couples can love their spouses in no better ways than their parents did, although that is a tired blame-game. We want to rise up to be better than the generations ahead of us were. We want to give our children a better spring-board.
Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church…that is in the Bible. But whether you believe in the Bible or not (and I strongly suggest that you should), know it that God has given men an extra-ordinary ability to love their wives. The things a man would do for love! A man has the ability to completely go out of his way for a woman he loves, he has the ability to find her madly attractive despite any physical flaws a woman might think she has, a man can withdraw all his salary and spend it on a woman, a man who loves his woman will do whatever it takes for her joy…If he won’t, it is simply because he does not want to. Not that he cannot. I totally understand why God would compare His love to us with the love a husband can have towards his wife.
Wives…do I say submit? Let me put it this way, treat your man like a king, as much as is within your understanding and ability of kingly treatment. He does not always deserve such treatment? I know!
Girl, you also do not always deserve such love.
How about we put it this way; everybody do your part and leave the rest to God. I can guarantee, that will work.
And lastly a piece of advice for all nursing mums, and mums with little bambinos whose every finger they kiss, and for the really exhausted mums due to work issues or just life issues.
It is in Stormie Omartian’s book, The Power of a Praying Wife. And hey, this does relate to kissing…enjoy it.
When your husband communicates to you what he has in mind, as only a husband can do, don’t roll your eyes and sigh deeply. Instead, say, “Okay, give me fifteen minutes.” (Or ten or twenty, or whatever you need.) During that time, do something to make yourself feel attractive. For example, take a shower or a relaxing bath. Put on scented body lotion or his favorite perfume. (Have perfume you wear only for these times alone with him.) Comb your hair. Wash your face and prepare it with products that make your skin look dewy and fresh. Put on lip gloss and blush. Slip into lingerie you know he finds irresistible. Don’t worry about your imperfections; he’s not thinking about them. If you feel self- conscious, wear a beautiful nightgown that covers areas that bother you. While you’re doing this, pray for God to give you renewed energy, strength, vitality, and a good attitude. Hopefully, when you’re ready, your husband will find you were worth the wait….
Ey, Stormie Omartian…really? Ha ha, I promise to try.
This advice makes a lot of sense, SERIOUSLY, it does a home a lot of good, and in turn blesses the children of that home :-).
So, if you really love your children as much as you say you do, love each other much more!